A coworker was telling me today that there was a time in her life when fresh bread was delivered to her family's house early in the mornings. Every once in a while, she would sneak out of bed, grab the loaf of yummy goodness, and eat the entire thing in one sitting. She'd sneak back to bed and play dumb when her husband complained that the bread delivery hadn't come.I nodded in total understanding. I have eaten some crazy things when I've been depressed or bored or sad. When I was a little girl, I'd sneak tube frosting when my mother wasn't looking. You know--that colored processed sugary frosting in a tube meant for fancy cake frostings. Squirted straight in my little mouth. When she went to frost a cake and the tubes were practically empty, she knew to yell at me. Another favorite was sprinkles. I loved the rainbow sprinkles, but the chocolate ones were so soft and easy to pour into my mouth, chew, and swallow when I thought I heard someone coming.
I've eaten an entire box of Honey Smacks in one sitting. An entire bag of chips. An entire bag of honey mustard pretzel bites. Oh, and a bag of powdered sugar. Not in one sitting, but I kept it in a drawer and would eat it by the spoonfuls when I felt in need. I'm not even kidding.
Knowing what I'm capable of scares me. When I am watching my diet and I blow it on a piece of chocolate, I know that I could have eaten the entire box of chocolates. And I'm surprised I didn't. So maybe I will. Because I already blew it, so who cares now? I couldn't even make it one day and I'm just a big, fat failure. I'll start again tomorrow. Or maybe Sunday, since that's a new week. Or Monday, since it's easier to watch what I eat on work days.
When I do that, I am defining myself as my sin. I am saying, "I am undisciplined and have no self-control and am always messing up." I even go further in my definition: "I am fat and ugly and worthless and a failure." When I believe that and eat the second piece of chocolate and then the rest of the box and then whatever else I can find, I am rejecting who God says I am--His beautiful daughter, redeemed, no slave to sin or fleshly desires. Furthermore, I am rejecting what God has done in my heart--revived me, changed my nature from sinful to holy, saved me from my sin. And I am rejecting who God is--powerful, gracious, Sovereign, Redeemer, Protector, Savior, Father.
I encourage you: when you mess up and either eat what you shouldn't have or eat something for the wrong reason, don't give in to the lie that you have blown it or that it doesn't matter. Because it does matter! You matter! You are a daughter of the King, and He loves you and understands your struggle, and He is right there next to you walking down this road with you. Call out to Him, confess your disbelief and trust in His character and his love for you. He loves you with all His heart. You are the object of His affection. I'm not even kidding.
