He calls you by name

When I got my feelings hurt as a little girl, my mother would say, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you." It sounded wise to a six-year-old's ears, but something deep down told me it wasn't true. And of course it's not true--we have all been hurt many, many times by words hurled at us by unloving people. In the news we often read of bullied children who have succumbed to name-calling and lashed out either against others or against themselves. When I hear these tragic stories, part of me is shocked, but part of me understands the emotional damage that is done by hurtful words. We understand our identity through our relationships with others--if children are abused, they eventually think they don't deserve better. When women are beaten by their husbands, they eventually think they deserve it. When someone is called stupid again and again, they start to believe it. When a little girl is told she is beautiful by her father, she glows in the safety of her daddy's love. When I got married and changed my name, I started acting like a wife, pursuing the meaning of that role. And so on!

Several years ago, I was in a very unhealthy relationship and making some very poor decisions. At one point, I was on the verge of making a particularly poor decision that would hurt me and my family. As I wrestled with what to do, my oldest sister sat down with me, tears in her eyes. "You don't have to do this," she pleaded. "This is not who you are!" I thought, Obviously this is who I am or I wouldn't have gotten myself into this mess in the first place. What I didn't understand was that my consent in listening to my boyfriend and who he said I was damaged my understanding of myself as a daughter of God! I ignored God's voice and listened to a man who told me all kinds of lies, and I finally believed him. My sister's heart was broken for me--she saw my pain and brokenness and loudly but gently tried to remind me of who I was.

Sadly, I didn't listen to her and went about my sinful ways. Afterward, in a heap of regret and misery, I sought counsel from another person who told me I was a sinner and needed to repent; I was given a list of things I needed to do in order to rectify the situation and get back on track with the Lord. This sounded right to me--it confirmed my belief that I had little value and gave me a task to make up for my mistakes. I used behavior to try to solve my problem.

Please don't misunderstand me--I am not downplaying my actions at all or saying that we don't have to face the consequences of our actions and work to get back on track in our relationships with those whom we've hurt. But we never, ever have to work to get back on track in our relationships with the Lord. What we have to do is trust. You see, while my actions in this dysfunctional relationship were ugly and gross and had definite consequences for me and my family, the sin goes deeper than my actions--my sin was that I didn't trust God! I didn't trust that He had something better in mind for me than what I was pursuing. I didn't trust that He is loving and always provides for His children. I didn't trust that He loved me personally and valued me simply because I was His. I didn't trust who He said He was or who He said I was. If I did, my actions would have looked a lot different. Instead of acting out of my identity in Christ, I acted out of a false identity. I let my relationship with this man, who treated me as an object and communicated to me that I had no value as a person, trump my relationship with Jesus, who tells me that I am precious and beautiful and lovable and completely and totally loved.

One of my favorite passages is Isaiah 43. In this passage, God says that we have no reason to fear when we walk through the fire and pass through the rivers because He has called us by name! I used to think that meant that He knew me. He could call me by name because I am His and He will not forsake me. Which is true, but it's so much deeper than that! For God has given me my name! My name is Precious Daughter, Beautiful Child, Beloved, Adored, Redeemed, Saved. I need not fear because my identity is who God says I am, which is why I was so sorrowful when I acted out of the false identity that boyfriend had given me--it wasn't me. I can't be untrue to my nature for long! For while I will still have my flesh until I go Home, I am not a sinner who is saved; I am a saint who sometimes sins.

So you're probably asking yourself why I've told you all of this! This idea of my identity and names has been on my heart a lot lately. I have realized very clearly that when I act out in sin, it's always a result of not trusting who God says He is or who He says I am. And that applies to my eating issues--when I overindulge in something that is not healthy to eat, I am making a decision to act out according to what I feel is my identity in the moment--I am sad, depressed, angry, entitled, so I deserve and have a right to eat this. Eating the candy bar is an action, but the real sin is that I am not trusting God in the moment. What does that look like??

Let's take a very basic example. Say I have a tough day at work. I am exhausted and have been treated poorly and taken advantage of all day. I walk into the kitchen where I see a plate of cookies. I typically will have one of two responses:

1. I am a failure. All I want is to eat those cookies and it doesn't matter because I'm fat and ugly already.
2. I deserve those cookies. I've had a rough day, and it's not a sin to eat a few cookies at the end of an exhausting day!

Do you see what I'm doing here? I'm trying to rename myself. I'm either saying that I am a failure or that I am so great that I don't need to exercise self-discipline (reminder--eating the cookie is not a sin in and of itself, but eating it for the wrong reasons is the sin).

What is the right response? The right response is to act out of my identity in Christ: I am miserable and had a rough day. I really want to medicate myself with these cookies, but that is not who I am! I am a child of God--why should I settle for cookies when I can approach His throne with confidence in His love for me? He loves me and values me, and my heart needs Him, not the cookies. I don't need to overindulge anymore!

I recently read that 40% of New Year's resolutions have to do with diet or exercise. It's on our minds as a culture right now! And it might be something that you think about on a very regular basis. As you move forward in your goals, I encourage you to move forward in your relationship with Jesus. Yes, self-discipline is important, and we need to be responsible with the bodies the Lord has given us. But more important is our relationship with Jesus and our trust in Him--our trust that He is the mighty, loving, redeeming God He says He is, and you are His beloved, precious child. Because He says so. While you pray your prayers of "God, help me to have the energy to exercise today and help me to have self-control with my diet," you also should be praying, "Lord, help me to believe who you say you are. Help me to believe that you are enough for me. Help me to believe that I am precious to you. Help me to live out of my identity in Christ."