My big, fat problem

My big fat problem is yours, too! And it doesn't just have to do with eating. But in my life, it most often comes out in my idolatry of food. But before I talk about that, let me clarify what I mean by idolatry of food. It's just like the Israelites worshiping their golden calf--they decided that God wasn't enough for them. They didn't believe anymore that God was good enough or loved them enough or had all the answers. They didn't think that he was worth following. So they decided to make up their own god--a god who (in their minds) met their needs in the ways they thought important. I have done the same with food.

Have you ever kept a food journal? It's a great way to analyze what you're eating and your different behavior patterns. In fact, even better than keeping track of what you're eating is keeping track of why you're eating. I am an emotional eater. So I eat when I'm sad, when I'm depressed, when I'm worried, when I'm happy, when I'm elated. For some reason, I think that eating when I'm down will satisfy me or provide me with some kind of temporary happiness. And I think that the blessing of happiness is not enough in and of itself--I think that eating will make it even better. Most of the time, I completely lose sight of the fact that ten minutes from now, after I've eaten this entire sleeve of Girl Scout cookies, I will hate myself. I will plunge into a dark place where I will probably eat more--why not? I've already ruined my diet today, so I might as well go all the way. It will at least bring temporary relief and I can't feel any worse about myself.

That is exactly my train of thought. Instead of turning to the Lord when I am down, or turning to him when I am up, I turn to what I think will bring me delight. What I think will bring me pleasure and satisfaction! I replace God with food. And that is an idol.

Anyway, back to my big, fat problem. Here's the deal: I have this idol, and what it reflects is unbelief in my heart. I do not believe/trust God to be all that I need. I try to take control and handle life myself. If I believed that God loves me as much as he does, and if I believed that God is truly who he says he is, then I would never sin. But my heart won't be sin-free until Heaven! Until then, my heart is still sinful and I will always be susceptible to temptation and idolatry. There is nothing I can do about that. I cannot change my heart.

So, because I like to control my life, I try to change my heart by changing my behavior. That's were I stumbled last time I lost weight. I recognized the heart issue of idolatry and then decided I better clean house by eating right and exercising. Granted, through this self-discipline, a lot of things changed, and God used it in mighty ways. But I couldn't change my heart myself. Modifying behavior does not make me more godly, does not convince me of my need for Christ, does not reveal my sinful heart. Instead, I need to approach the Throne every day, begging for God to heal me of my unbelief.

This is the tricky part. There is no 12-step program for God to change your heart and grow a love for him. We have to recognize we need him to do this for us, and then through discipline, he teaches us! If we aren't praying, then we aren't talking to God. And if we aren't reading our Bible, then we aren't listening to God. And if we are consciously indulging in unhealthy eating habits, we are willingly worshiping our idol--just as blatantly as the Israelites and their golden calf.

Discipline is a huge part of dealing with eating issues, my friends. But please don't stop there. Please understand the heart of your issue. Whether you have control issues or emotional issues, the heart of the issue is refusing to allow God to reign in all areas of your life. Submit this to him now! Pray that he will open your eyes to the truth of the ugliness of your heart, and then lift up your chin to see his glory--his love that wants you to trust him. He will help you because he loves you and he wants to prove to you that he has overcome this sin already on the cross! Stop fighting it, and surrender to his grace.